At the moment I'm currently carrying around with me a "before" photograph of myself, because everyone seems to want to see one (not that I mind). Yesterday two old friends of mine asked to see it (both of them I've known and kept in contact with since school). Both of them looked at the photo's yesterday in disbelief and said they couldn't ever remember me being that big (I see both of them regularly, so it's not that they hadn't seen me at my biggest).
When I look at the "before" photos now, I can't ever remember being that big either The face and body don't look like mine at all. It's like looking at a totally different person - even my face is different.
My husband took some photos of me yesterday (for my counsellor) and when I look at those photos I don't see "me" either It's a strange feeling, because when I look at the "now" photos I see someone who looks "normal" and dare I say it quite "OK" looking
The only problem I have with feeling like this is that every time I take a "now" photo I look at it and think how "small" I look (obviously compared to before, I am small). But now when I look back at those photos I see someone who is still very overweight (which of course I was, just to me it was skinny at the time!!).
Remember the "Slimmer of the Year" photos that I had taken of me in that red top?? I remember looking at that and thinking how slim and good I looked and everyone assured me that I did. Now I look at it and see massive hips and a big round face.
What if I feel like that about my "now" photos (taken yesterday), in a couple of months time?? I felt like I was finally getting a grip on my weight loss and I do actually feel "normal" now, until I saw those photos yesterday. I think my head still needs a bit of "catching up" time.

I haven't been to the gym lately, as I stupidly hurt my back on the rotadex machine, so I'm just walking at the moment. Eating is ok. Have had a few problems with the 790 plan. It's around double the amount of protein I was eating on add-a-meal plus and extra tablespoon of vegetables. I think the shock to my stomach after almost a year of not eating was too much and I've been suffering with stomach cramps and nausea. I'm currently getting round this by splitting it into two meals a day instead of one in the evening, and so far this seems to be working better for me.

So for anyone that didn't see the photo of me in my red topp (I think it was a "friends only" post), I've posted it again, plus the new pic of me and I think you'll see what I mean.

Finished my Cambridge Counsellor Training. It was very useful and interesting.

Have just filled out my questionnaires and Accreditation. Just need to send them off and hopefully I will be able to start counselling very soonD

p.s lost another 1lb this week.

Had a busy week so not been round here lately. Will hopefully catch up on blogs laterD

Number one son was 16 on Tuesday - makes me feel old (not as old as I would with the extra 14+ stone on me though )

So here's how my maintenance and exercise are going so far.

Managed to lose another 2 lbs this week - bringing my total to a nice round 200lbs lost

First week of gym and add-a-meal (first week of maintenance)

Exercise
12/03/07 15 min treadmill, 15 min stepper Level 4, 12min Bike - Level 4
Food
3 x Cambridge Diets + Cottage cheese + celery

Exercise
13/03/07 15 min bike - level 4, 20min treadmill - 6%incline - 5mph, 15 mins stepper - level4
Food
3 x Cambridge Diets + chicken (no skin), Tbsp cauli, Tbsp cabbage

Exercise
14/03/07 20 min treadmill - 6.6% incline - 6mph, 15 min stepper - level 4, 12 min bike - level 4
Food
3 x Cambridge Diets + chicken + cabbage and cauliflower (leftover from yesterday)

Exercise
15/03/07 25min treadmill - 6.6% incline - 6mph, 15 min stepper level 4, 12 min X-trainer - level 4
Food
3 x Cambridge Diets + Cottage Cheese + 2tbsp pickled red cabbage

16/03/07 - no exercise - weigh in day.
Food
3 x Cambridge Diets + Crab (not strictly allowed ), 2tbsp green leaves

Exercise
17/03/07 50min on Gazelle (at home)
Food
3 x Cambridge Diets + Quorn + Broccoli

Exercise
18/03/07 Feeling lazy on Mothers Day - 1hour of toning tables only
Food
3 x Cambridge Diets + chicken + 2 tbsp sprouts

I've decided to go back to the gym tonight. I'm now starting my maintenance and introducing more food so I don't think it will do me any harm.
Went shopping yesterday for some new gym clothes and bought size 10-12 tops and bottoms I still haven't got over the shock of them fitting me .
My husband says I keep buying everything too big and I've got a "magic" mirror that makes me look fatter than I really am He insisted I buy size 12 jeans on Saturday. They looked tiny, but I gave in, with the thought that I might lose a few inches and slim into them. I tentatively pulled them up my legs when I got home, and they fit - with room to spare!!!
So, back to the gym tonight to try and tone up a bit more, and get fit of course
p.s. have also had an appointment to see the plastic surgeon.

I did it!!! I lost 3lbs tonight so am under my goal of 11 stone 7lbs (although I've confused my ticker and its saying I've still got 2lb to lose)

Maintenance here I come.

Just had a glass of champagne. Promise to be good from now onDD

Just realised I'd got my pro account, so I'm sure I shall be messing about with this blog and totally cocking everything up.

I just love to mess about with things My Mom would never give me anything to look after when I was younger because she said once it had been in my hands for 10 minutes, it was usually broke (no comments thank you )

Bear with me.D

My new 9lb 7oz baby nephew.

Looks like my new nephew is about to put in an appearance. As I'm one of the birthing partners I'm just waiting for a lift to my sisters.

It would be today!! Hubby who is usually the taxi is going to Manchester with work for the match tonight and won't be home til at least midnight. I'd ordered my shopping later than normal, due to the Doctors appt, so I've had to wait in for that to come. Sod's Law!!

Good job I'm organised

Got my bag packed - Dr Pepper Zero, 2 Cambridge Bars, Chewing gum, 2 magazines, bodyspray, mobile phone, camera, purse - think I've got everything.

He's going to be a big one - my guess is 10lb 9oz. I'll let you know

Keep your fingers crossed

I went - and it was nowhere near as bad as I thought. I manage to get myself all anxious for nothing
The Doctor was lovely to me. He was very impressed with my weight loss and said I'd done very well. He took a look at my arms and agreed that no amount of exercise is going to help them and that I really need plastic surgery. He explained that they have to be careful with plastic surgery on the NHS and he didn't want to build up my hopes, but he thought that in the circumstances they should do it for me. He asked me to go and see the Secretary for a "Choose and Book" Referral. While I was sitting there I was sure I knew her face, but thought it was probably from one of the meetings. I said I thought I knew her, then she looked at my card and noticed my old address. She looked at me and said "You haven't got two children??" - I said yes, then she said "Have you lost a lot of weight?" (cue sniggering from me!!) Anyway it turned out that she had done a "party" (candles, gifts etc) at my old house 10 years ago and remembered me moving here. To cut a long story short we ended up chatting for ages, I helped with the computer referral and she said I should get a job there
So I've rung the hospital and they're ringing me back in two weeks to give me an appointment.

I'd never thought about this before, but I've never actually mentioned that you don't have to be as strict as I am on the Cambridge Diet. I have only ever done Sole Source and Add-a-Meal. Now I'm coming up to maintenance I shall be going up the steps, but you don't have to do it this way. Some people start off on the 1000 cals and stay on it to lose weight, or they work their way down slowly to Sole Source. These are the options anyway:-

Step 1 - Sole Source - 415-554 calories. This consists of 3-4 Cambridge Diets (bars,soups or shakes) depending on your height, only black coffe or tea and water. Also included in this step is Add-A-Meal(after 4 weeks of Sole Source). This is 415-510 calories or 548 - 640 calories and includes 3-4 Cambridge diets plus a small amount of protein and vegetables. This is for one week following 4 weeks of Sole Source or 2 weeks as a maintenance Step.
This is for anyone who is overweight with at least 1 stone to lose.

Step 2 - 790 - 790 calories. This is 3 Cambridge Diets plus skimmed milk, protein (more than add-a-meal) and green and white vegetables.
This is for anyone who has a BMI of 25 or more, anyone preparing for weight loss on Sole Source, anyone who needs to eat on social occasions who could not therefore use SS or anyone who has lost weight with SS, used Add-A-Meal and is on the stabilisation programme.

Step 3 - 1000 - 1000 calories. This is 2 cambridge diets plus skimmed milk, 150cal breakfast, green salad for lunch, 460cal dinner + fruit.
This is for anyone who is overweight and prefers a more gradual weight loss programme, anyone who finds it impossible to avoid conventional eating, anyone who is working through maintenance or anyone who is preparing for weight loss on a lower step. This applies to Step 4 and 5.

Step 4 - 1200 - 1200calories. This is 1 Cambridge diet, skimmed milk plus a 250 or 150 calorie breakfast, 200 or 300cal lunch plus a Cambridge diet and a 370cal dinner plus fruit for dessert.

Step 5 - 1500 - 1500cal - 300cal breakfast + skimmed milk and a Cambridge Diet, 350cal Lunch plus 50cal fruit, 100cal snack, 350cal dinner plus 150cal dessert.

So I've finally plucked up the courage to make a Doctors appointment. As some of you will know I hate going to the Doctors more than anything. If I had anything wrong with me I always asked the Doctor or the Nurses opinion at work (fortunately not very often) and I can count the amount of times I've been to this Doctors on one hand (and I've lived here for 10 years). So what's all the fuss about??
I'm going to see about a referral to a plastic surgeon. Now I'm not being overly dramatic about this, and I'm not being extremely vain
If you look at my before photos (a couple of posts earlier) you can see how massive my arms are. Now imagine what a 14stone weight loss did to those. Believe me when I say there's no way I can wear a sleeveless top. In fact there was more chance of me wearing a sleeveless top then, than there is now.
I'm not taking the easy way out, and I will try and do everything I can (exercise, weights etc.) before resorting to plastic surgery. BUT I do want to see a consultant and get on the waiting list to see their opinion. If there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, then I will have the surgery. The scars are terrible (from elbow to inside the armpit), but I honestly think I could live with that, and it's something I have thought seriously about. One of my friends has had it done, so I'm well aware of the pain, scarring etc.
My stomach is not so bad and I could definitely live with that. My boobs have shrunk to miniscule proportions, but nothing a wonderbra and some "chicken fillets" can't cure , so at the moment my arms are my main problem.
I just hope the Doctors nice to me Wednesday. They still scare me

I lost 5lbs at weigh in last night, so only a pound to my offical target and I start on the maintenance programme

I managed to get some exercise in this week, which I know I normally say don't do, but I feel like a tigger at the moment. Or as my Mum would say "like a fart in a colander"!!! I have so much energy I can't keep still (something I never thought I would say). So on Monday I did 15 minutes on my Gazelle (like a cross trainer), Tuesday - walk to my friends, Wednesday - 20 minutes on Gazelle and a walk to the shops in the village, Thursday - 20minutes on Gazelle, Friday - shopping for 2.5 hrs

So it looks like I'm finally coming to the end of my journey. It feels a bit strange, because as I've said before I never finish anything, let alone ever get far enough in weight loss to start maintaining.

I'm a bit scared of starting to introduce food, but I'm also excited that I'll finally be able to go out and really start living a normal life again.

Obviously I shall keep you updated with my maintenance progress (around 8 weeks I think). Then after that I shall have to bore you with my exercise and gym routine, as I shall definitely be going back to the gym when I'm eating and have enough calories to sustain me through a proper exercise regime.

p.s I have handed in my application for for Cambridge Counsellor, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

I've got weekend tickets to the V Festival at Weston Park in August.

Hubby decided he wanted to go for his 40th birthday (17th August) instead of having a party, so we're taking number 2 son with us. Number one son doesn't fancy the line-up this year - Download is more his thing.

I'm so excited. It's the first time in my life I've ever been to any sort of festival or concert (hubby booked tickets to one once for a surprise, but I was so worried I wouldn't fit in the seats I wouldn't go )

Luckily it's only down the road from me, so not far to travel.D (although hubby was trying to use it as an excuse to buy a campervan!!!)

Well I'm speechless for once in my life.

First of all I wasn't expecting to get nominated and just happened to notice my blog listed. But to win Inspirational Blogger - I can't believe it.DD

Thanks to whichever mad people voted for me.

Congratulations to all the other winners - I'm just catching up with the ones that aren't on my friends list.

Finally a big thank you to Paddy for organising it all and AJ for his graphics xx